they say your feel better if you let it out
but the tears keep falling and nothings changed
happiness is an obligation but
if noone cares then does it matter

maybe all i need is some sleep
when i awake things will be the way they should be

i dont even know how it should be anymore

a date to the banquet

this is as close as i've been to hating the world

all i can see are masks and stares

sure i dont love
maybe im just to afraid to admit that, that is all i want
because once they have your heart
they hold the gun

another birthday.
yay.
none of my friends called me at midnight.
in my dormroom at 10:30 on a Saturday night.
well.... at least i got the birthday dance
from some random friends that i found.
:) lei you are amazing.



YAY!!! Evan and william you tottaly made my night :)

Oh southern

Well.... im still here.
bought christmas lights today.
flirted with a guy who has a girlfriend.
checked grades .... and almost cried.
Boob died.
i flushed him down the toilet.
..mikes hard lemonade.. tastes like lemonade.
dates with guys i just want as friends ....
and just friends with guys i want to date.

Oh my.

what is this place that smells of cookies and rain...
i finally fell in love.. and lost it
starting over
i should be used to it by now.
...... i miss him.
not ready for this.
everything is too scary

ಲವ್ ಮೇ ಫಾರೆವೆರ್
a date... and a glass bridge...
a hand to hold
and still not the same. the smell is all wrong..

falling for your best friend.....
a horrible idea..

laying in the pouring rain
as the water rises around you closing in around your lips...
breathing water as it turns to fire...
this is the life i have chosen
and i am happy....
will anyone save me from myself
from the powers of the world that i drench in painted honey..
i love you.

ಎಸ್ತೆಬನ್
worlds apart
you always made me laugh.
since calling me Switchfoot
to barely passing pre-cal.
this poems for you.

to one crazy gymnast, cause with you there are no limits.

its hard to write for someone
that ive hardly even known
you flirted with me like no other.
at times you reminded me of my brother
i ripped the picture that you drew.
..you looked at me and paper flew..

i guess this is all i have to say.
i suppose ill write some more someday.

Well its been awhile.
im going back to sva in an hr.
wish i could stay.
its like everyone is shifting and changing
and everytime i come back im puzzle piece
that is getting harder to fit back into the puzzle.

is kissing supposed to be fun?

would it really be so bad to try a cigarette...


is it to late to change my mind?
yes. even if it wasnt to late would i?
no.

it is so easy to just become complacent.

James. i like him right?

or at least i'm supposed to.


so many questions
and i know the answers
but it always easier to believe
when you hear it from someone else.

the Storm within

This blog is for Joylyn.



"so, this is me living my life."




The green before the rain.-- is not a quote but if it was it would be my favorite.

when you can smell the storm coming.
outside the grass swaying back and forth
an iridescent shade of green.
the leaves can be heard whispering,
slowly crescendoing into urgent song.
and then the rain.
longing.
to become the storm
soaking into my skin. melting
running down my face.
then there is nothing left
take me with you
into the ravaging winds
the murderous clouds
give me clarity.